John Gray, author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” discusses how we expect the opposite sex to be like ourselves: “We desire them to want what we want and feel the way we feel.” In doing so, we mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in the ways we would react and behave. In resisting this urge, you place responsibility for the other on them and not on you, which is where it belongs in the first place. Practice detachment from emotions of guilt and shame that can arise from the empathy that you may feel for the other, which may also lead you to do things you do not wish to do, and ultimately feel uncomfortable.

To overcome this, Brown recommends practicing the skill of “emotional shielding.” If you get so caught up in other people’s feelings that you lose sight of your own, establish a healthy boundary. Also, when doing so, you hinder the other’s ability to accept personal responsibility for their actions, since you are already doing that for them. If this sounds familiar to you, recognize that this can result in a reduction of your self-esteem as you lose yourself trying to fix someone else. Nina Brown, author of “Whose Life is it Anyway? When to Stop Taking Care of Their Feelings & Start Taking Care of Your Own” discusses how sometimes, family members can get so swallowed by their loved ones’ problems that they lose sight of who they are and what they really want. Begin Practicing the Skill of ‘Emotional Shielding’ĭr.

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